All posts by Michelle Heynen

Grief is like Love

Grief I have learnt is like love as it all the love you want to give cannot.  all of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of yours eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow part of your chest.  Grief is just love with no place to go.

Permission to Grieve

Things You Should Give Yourself Permission To Let Go – Let go of drama and gossip fueled by other people. Let go of other’s negative opinions of you. Let go of toxic people, places and things. Let go of anger, resentment, comparing, regrets, worrying, blame, guilt, fear, competing, self-loathing, jealousy, and hate. Let go of the “What if’s” and “Why me” and just accept what is. Most importantly let go of the past – after you have worked through the pain of it.

Things You Need To Give Yourself Permission To Grieve About – Whatever your mind, body and soul tells you that you need to. Everyone experiences loss at different stages of life and at different intensities. I think it’s pretty safe to say that we don’t experience grief the same way as someone else does and we don’t all experience grief over the same things. Most people think on death of a friend or family member when they hear the word “grief” or “grieving”, but one can go through all the stage of grief by losing a job, a friendship, a relationship, your child growing up, your child going off to college, being a victim of a horrendous act, witnessing a tragedy or your child enduring emotional trauma from the act of another person and sometimes we can’t even figure out why or what we are grieving.

Seasons of Grief

Seasons of Grief

Shall I wither and fall like an autumn leaf,
From this deep sorrow – from this painful grief?
How can I go on or find a way to be strong?
Will I ever again enjoy life’s sweet song?

Sometimes a warm memory sheds light in the dark
And eases the pain like the song of a Meadow Lark.
Then it flits away on silent wings and I’m alone;
Hungering for more of the light it had shone.

Shall grief’s bitter cold sadness consume me,
Like a winter storm on the vast angry sea?
How can I fill the void and deep desperate need
To replant my heart with hope’s lovely seed?

Then I look at a photo of your playful smiling face
And for a moment I escape to a serene happy place;
Remembering the laughter and all you would do,
Cherishing the honest, caring, loving spirit of you.

Shall spring’s cheerful flowers bring life anew
And allow me to forget the agony of missing you?
Will spring’s burst of new life bring fresh hope
And teach my grieving soul how to cope?

Sometimes I’ll read a treasured card you had given me
And each word’s special meaning makes me see,
The precious gift of love I was fortunate to receive,
And I realize you’d never want to see me grieve.

Shall summer’s warm brilliant sun bring new light,
And free my anguished mind of its terrible plight?
Will its gentle breezes chase grief’s dark clouds away,
And show me a clear path towards a better day?

When I visit the grave where you lie in eternal peace,
I know that death and heaven brought you release;
I try to envision your joy on that shore across the sea,
And, until I join you, that’ll have to be enough for me.

For all the remaining seasons of my life on earth,
There’ll be days I’ll miss your merriment and mirth,
And sometimes I’ll sadly long for all the yesterdays;
Missing our chats and your gentle understanding ways.

Yet, the lessons of kindness and love you taught me,
And the good things in life you’ve helped me to see;
Linger as lasting gifts that comfort and will sustain,
Until I journey to that peaceful shore and see you again

Comfort for Grieving Hearts

I have learnt that it is very tempting to want to ‘hate’ grief,
I have learnt that society tends to see it as the enemy as an unwelcome guest. Instead, we should try opening ourselves to grief  and ask it what it has to teach us. We need to ask it what it is training us to do and to be.  We should ask why this uninvited teacher is in our life and then you will begin  to notice how things shift and change. 

We need to remember that grief never asked us to let go of love. Grief is neither an illness or a pathological condition however, it is a highly personal and normal response to life-changing events. It is a natural process that can lead to great healing and immense personal growth.

The transition through this difficult time is a courageous journey. The tears we shed have a wisdom all their own.  They come when we are  relaxed enough to let go and to work through our sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound,
carrying the poison out of our system.

It is here that the road to recovery lies and our transformation begins.

5 Year Anniversary

On the 28th of February it will mark 5 years since my beautiful mother passed away. I have been reflecting on the last five years and all I have been through and what I have accomplished including publishing my first book a tribute to my beautiful mother and my journey through her death.

I cannot believe it has been five years already but to me she is not really in gone as she lives in my heart forever now and when I need her she is still there.

I make it a practice to speak with her everyday she is in every breathe I take and every speak I take. I will forever lover her and will continue to fight for and stand up for those who need it and who cannot for themselves.

To Love someone

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.

Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.shutterstock_94915183